College football returns soon, so to get ready for the 2022 season we’re looking at all the Big12 Stadiums and ranking them based on their Yelp reviews.
Oklahoma: Gaylord Family – Oklahoma Memorial Stadium
“This is honestly one of the most intense stadiums I’ve ever been to. “Sooners” or laters the rest of the college football world is going to admit that it doesn’t get louder or more lascivious than at a Sooner Football Game. If you’re ever in this part of the world you must come down here and see what I mean.
This stadium is in Norman which is probably the most boring name for a town imaginable, but I played a concert there and it was really nice, and a super hot girl with initials JJ came to my concert (hi J!) and then took me home and we, well, cuddled. Honestly. That’s what we did. And it was nice. So of course I have great memories of Norman. Which was the name of her studly boyfriend. Ooh so hot.”
While Norman might be a “boring” name, this review is not. It seems like this Rockstar reviewee took a page out of the Sooners and SEC’s playbook by having relations with some poor man’s (Big 12) girlfriend behind his back. (P.S. JJ I hope things worked out with you and our Rockstar)
Oklahoma State: Boone Pickens Stadium
“Beautiful stadium. Although I was there for the opposing team (sorry) I will say that as I hid furtively in my clothes of red & black surrounded by a sea of orange, the people of Stillwater could not be nicer. From giving us a tour of their campus, guiding us out of our (tight) parking spot, this Arkansas girl who was afraid of being lynched, I was impressed by the Cowboys’ fans’ loyalty and undying enthusiasm for their beloved ranked team.
Front row sideline seats in the stadium are literally close enough to talk to and touch the players. I even had, what my friends now refer to as “the moment” I yelled to the head coach and he laughed, smiled & pointed at me with 5 minutes left in the game. Pleased with his response, I sat grateful for my assertion and acerbic vocal projection (I’m loud, okay).
I was a little disturbed by the huge Gary Busey photo on the big screen and had to google why OSU fans are called “Pokes”, as well as the little boy and his mother who yelled the entire time in my ear to what I thought would be my moribund, I had a great time in T. Boone Pickens Stadium.
P. S. Tell Pistol Pete that he should exercise some cogency in his use of firing the deafening gun shots.”
Having visited Stillwater and Fayetteville I’m not quite sure what this Hogs fan was getting at. Aren’t Arkansas and Oklahoma State the same school? (I’m kidding Pokes fans I love you) I’m also interested in the whole Gary Busey thing, you don’t throw a face like that on the screen for fun…As far as the Pistol Pete situation I say let them live. They have to wear that heavy head around all day, they deserve a break.
Texas: Darrell K Royal Texas Memorial Stadium
- Lack of security! Two Notre Dame fans stand throughout the game & fans behind can’t see. They refuse requests to sit so others can see & people start harassing & using foul words. Security says there’s no rule against standing! Really, how about being proactive?
- At first I was so excited to partake in the pluck show during a football game, but as I drew nearer to the location to my horror I realized this must be a bootleg fake pluckers, for no real pluckers would defile it’s menu with this abomination. Mainstay flavors like buff hot, parm garlic, and fire in the hole were very noticeably absent from the menu, not to mention any appetizer at all. Since I feasibly cannot imagine pluckers without holy mac, I cannot even accept this as a legitimate pluckers, but rather an embarrassment to the franchise.
Leave it up to Texas fans to complain about people standing all game. If you don’t want to have fun just stay at home, but good thing is if you hang around long enough (Kickoff) you can just move down to one of the few thousand empty seats in their massive stadium. The chicken wing guy cracks me up. I just imagine he only went to the game because they were giving out free wings, and I can’t blame them that probably would’ve been enough to sway me to attend a game in Austin. This isn’t Applebee’s though buddy no half priced apps.
Baylor: McLane Stadium
“Beautiful location, decent food traffic control horrendous. Traffic is so bad that it ruins any good time you have had. It is not the location or the roads it is the people who should be in control of traffic. The people don’t control anything. I see better traffic control at high school stadiums. This will strongly influence whether I attend anything at this venue.”
Ahh we reach the Brazos river. If the stench of the river, or the holier than thou fans don’t drive you away the traffic will. I’ll stop here before I say something about Baylor that could get me fired!
Texas Tech: Jones AT&T Stadium
“Indiana Jones opened this stadium back in the old days when his whip was still taut and his hat was still perched on top of his impressive, swollen, throbbing head.
(Throbbing because he has a headache from a fight with a Nazi, of course. What did you think I meant?)
First-Hand Experience: Info on my personal visit to this stadium – Texas Tech was not a school I knew much about, until I played my first and only concert in Lubbock, and everyone told me about how amazing this stadium was. Well, I had to go and check it out, and I have to say I was impressed by the campus and even moreso by this enormous, stunning hulk of a stadium. It’s absolutely beautiful.
Why do they throw tortillas at the beginning of the game though? Tradition, yes, but a bit of a waste. Hilarious, crazy people up in the hat part of Texas. Fantastic noise and I had a wonderful time.” On to the wastelands of west Texas. Is there a tradition better than throwing frozen tortillas on the football field? don’t answer that because the answer is no. I like to think that Indiana Jones actually did open Jones AT&T Stadium. A man of his prestige deserves such things.
TCU: Amon G. Carter Stadium
“Great stadium. Plenty of bathrooms and concessions. Great place to catch a college football game. My complaints the time it takes to get through the concession stand. Plus not able to get my receipt. Neither printed nor emailed. Unacceptable!”
Whoever wrote this review is stuck in the 90’s. I can’t tell you the last time I actually asked for a receipt after buying something. This is also one of the more bland reviews, which to me fits the mold of the TCU elites.
Iowa State: Jack Trice Stadium
“I went here once. I wish I didn’t I could have seen better football at a Pop Warner game. The home team Called the police because their was something on the field that scared them and they never seen before, The officer told them that was called a Goal Line.”
I like to think that this person wrote this review after polishing off a 30 pack of Busch Light, after all that is the drink of choice up there right?. Poor Iowa State though, they deserve better after the last few season under Matt Campbell.
Kansas State: Bill Snyder Family Stadium
“The worst part about this stadium was the bathroom situation. I have never seen such lines, especially on the west side of the stadium. The men’s lines were incredible and the stench of urine was gross. Ugh. There is a huge modernizaton/expansion in progress. Hopefully they fix this.
Inside the stadium, it is a great setting. The stadium is not huge – I think it seats about 38,000 – but of course it is a sold out crowd since KState is having a great year. Everyone stood most of the game, which was annoying. But there was tons of excitement in the stadium and it was a great game. We will definitely be back, as long as our daughter goes to school here.” Again if you don’t like people standing at the games stay home! Also urinating in a trough is a rite of passage these days, and with the “stench” I can only imagine how full they were.
Kansas: Memorial Stadium
“Stadium is OK. Parking expensive and up-hill. But my tickets in the visitor section were actually BEHIND the goal line – like on the -40 year line. Totally lame!!! Not a way to treat a visitor. At least we won!” This person is clearly not a Texas fan after reading the last sentence, and by the description of the seats they might not even be football fans. What do you expect at Kansas though?
West Virginia: Milan Puskar Stadium
“Nice stadium, prices for refreshments a little high. Good traffic control upon exiting. Cold metal seats.” Talk about underwhelming… I expected to hear about burning couches and drinking homemade moonshine from Uncle Jethro. A little bit of moonshine could’ve helped with the cold seats to be honest.
You’ve made it this far, so here are my official rankings:
- Iowa State – They deserve this after the review.
- Oklahoma – Sorry to JJ’s (hopefully ex) boyfriend.
- Texas Tech – Frozen tortillas, that is all.
- Oklahoma State – Please fill me in on the whole Gary Busey thing.
- Texas – Need better wings
- Kansas – Honestly, just throwing a bone here. They haven’t been ranked this high since ‘08
- Kansas State – Lets class the joint up a bit Wildcats. Not everyone can urinate in bathtubs.
- Baylor – Wanted to put them last, just because I hate them.
- TCU – Boring
- WVU – Even more boring.